Going Mute

It has been almost a month since I've posted a hotpokket. I'd apologize and invent a good excuse, but I don't have one.

For the first week, I decided it was because Kevin likes it when I include pictures and I couldn't decide on a photo worthy of the first week of co-habitation... I mean do large cardboard boxes scream exciting to you?

The second week, I was just too damn tired to talk, let alone write. In addition to working, we painted two rooms, installed a light fixture, re-did our entire closet and dealt with a dog that had severe diarrhea.

The third week was Thanksgiving. And it was time for Kevin and I to go to our separate corners - his in Kansas City and mine in St. Pete Beach. For this past week, I checked out of all imaginable responsibilities and threw out the list.

Today is the second day back home. It feels like home. And the dog has recovered. Thank Gawd. And I missed the shit out of Kevin, which "they" tell me is a good sign.

I've decided that it is simply too hard for me to capture the one hotpokket that demonstrates where and what life is like for me right now. It is too new. And for those of you that know me and know me well, I've spent a lot of time analyzing, understanding situations and people, which mostly resulted in a lot of accepting, even though at moments I didn't agree or like it.

For the first time, I want to live moments without my inner dialogue. Am I doing the right thing? Is this going to back fire? How do I know I know is what I know?

Two of my dear friends got engaged over this past holiday weekend - Ms. Holly and Ms. Rita. I am so happy for you two! What I find most interesting is your experience and your new fiances.

Holly and Juan have been together for over seven years. Rita and Joel first met in April of this year.

The point is time doesn't really matter. Or at least time isn't what makes or breaks a situation. Whether a relationship succeeds is unique to each person and their experience and comprehension of what works for them.

There isn't a perfect formula. How awesome is that?!

Thanksgiving is a wonderful time of year. I love, love it! May you all know how precious you are and how much you are cared for by those who love you, always.

You mean the world to me!

If I could offer one lesson learned this year it would be don't waste your time trying to fit a round peg in a square hole. Protect and support all that you are, cut the rip cord and just fucking go for it.

And don't think about it so much...that bit is for me!

hugs!

HP